When We See Behaviour as Communication, Everything Changes
The most frequent request from teaching assistants (and teachers!) is for more professional learning on 'managing’ behaviour. What if behaviour is something more than just a situation to be managed?
Picture this.
A student refuses to start their work. They cross their arms, avoid eye contact and eventually walk out of the classroom.
It's easy to think:
"They're being difficult."
But what if we asked a different question?
"What is this young person trying to communicate?"
That simple shift in thinking can completely change the way we respond.
Recently, we were joined by Dr Sarah Glencross and Bianca de Abreu, from The Sycamore School (QLD), where they shared a neuro-affirming, trauma-informed approach to supporting autistic teenagers.
Their central message was powerful: Behaviour is communication.
For teaching assistants, this mindset shift can strengthen relationships, reduce conflict and help students feel genuinely understood.
Behaviour is often the middle of a much bigger story
We only see the behaviour.
We don't always see what came before it.
Perhaps the student experienced sensory overload in the playground or out on the field with their peers.
Maybe they didn't understand the instructions.
Perhaps they were anxious about getting the answer wrong.
Or maybe they simply ran out of emotional energy.
The behaviour we witness is often the middle chapter, not the beginning of the story.
Instead of asking: "How do I stop this behaviour?"
Try asking: "What might this student be communicating?"
Curiosity opens doors that judgement closes.
We've all been there!
Before thinking about students, think about yourself.
Dr Sarah Glencross asked a set of interesting question to begin her presentation.
Here they are! Have you ever:
- Avoided a task because it felt overwhelming?
- Become frustrated over something small?
- Walked away from a difficult situation?
- Needed a break?
- Said something you later regretted?
Most of us can say yes to all these questions.
If you think back, there was probably a trigger.
Stress.
Feeling misunderstood.
Too much happening at once.
Autistic young people experience these same stress responses, but often with triggers that adults may not even notice. Their behaviour is our only clue as to what may be going on. Behaviour is communication!
Understanding the stress response
When a young person becomes stressed, their brain changes how it works.
During a stress response, some of the symptoms we experience cannot be seen or felt. They happen inside the brain. Things like:
- attention narrowing
- working memory becomes limited
- retrieving information becomes more difficult
- learning becomes significantly harder.
This means that what might look like non-compliance could actually be a brain that is struggling to cope.
As teaching assistants, recognising this can help us respond with support instead of correction.
Sometimes we default to the old attitude of "this student is just attention-seeking".
If we use a trauma-informed, neuro-affirming approach, this attitude is challenged.
Try this.
Replace "attention seeking" with "connection seeking".
One of the most thought-provoking ideas from the webinar was to stop describing behaviour as attention seeking.
Instead, think of it as connection seeking.
Every behaviour is an attempt to communicate a need.
That need might be:
- safety
- predictability
- understanding
- regulation
- reassurance
- belonging
When we respond with connection first, we're more likely to help the student regulate and return to learning.
Practical Strategies Teaching Assistants Can Use
When behaviour becomes challenging, try remembering these four steps.
1. Observe
Stay calm.
Rather than reacting immediately, take a moment to notice.
Ask yourself: "What might this behaviour be telling me?"
Look for possible triggers rather than assuming intent.
2. Connect
Come alongside the student.
Whenever appropriate:
- get down to eye level
- speak quietly
- use a calm tone
- ask neutral questions
For example:
- "I can see something's not right."
- "How can I help?"
- "Is there anything you need right now?"
Notice that none of these questions assume the student has done something wrong.
They simply invite communication.
3. Support
Once the student feels heard, remind them of the supports already available.
This might include:
- a movement break
- a quiet space
- a brain break
- working on the floor
- using headphones
- accessing a regulation strategy that works for them.
Support isn't removing expectations. It's helping students become ready to meet them.
4. Problem-solve together
Once the student is calm enough to think clearly, work together to identify what happened.
Could the trigger be reduced next time?
Could something be changed?
Could a different strategy help?
One effective approach is using controlled choice.
The learning expectation remains, but the student has some ownership over how they complete it.
For example:
"Would you like to start with the first two questions here, or work at the quiet table?"
The boundary stays the same, but the student gains some control.
5. Prevention
The best behaviour support happens before behaviour occurs!
Proactive strategies make the biggest difference to behaviour, sometimes even preventing it.
Teaching assistants can support regulation by:
- maintaining predictable routines
- making expectations clear
- providing visual supports
- noticing early signs of dysregulation
- encouraging regular regulation breaks before students become overwhelmed
Often, prevention is far more effective than intervention.
6. Relationship! Relationship! Relationship!
Relationships change everything!
Students are far more likely to communicate honestly when they trust the adults around them.
Strong relationships don't eliminate challenging behaviour.
They make it safer for students to explain what's behind it.
For teaching assistants, those everyday interactions, greeting students by name, noticing when something feels different, listening without judgement, all build trust over time.
And trust creates opportunities for learning.
So, how do we start thinking of behaviour as communication?
The next time a student displays behaviour that feels challenging, pause before reacting.
Instead of asking: "How do I stop this?"
Try asking: "What might this young person be communicating?"
That one question can transform the way we support autistic students.
Because behaviour is rarely the whole story.
It's communication.
When we become curious rather than critical, we create classrooms where every student has a better chance of feeling safe, understood and ready to learn.
